All About That Holiday Humor

All About That Holiday Humor

Nov 05

It is that time of year again; time when all the relatives get together. You have Uncle Jim who never turns up his hear aid. There’s cousin Davey whose ears flap in the wind like Dumbo’s’. Before long, you start hearing the drone of voices, each one trying to talk over the other. You know you are just moments from Aunt Betty coming up to you like she does every year, to tell you a joke she heard at church bingo…” Why did the pilgrim’s pants keep falling off? The buckle was on his hat!” She cackles hysterically and you just shake your head. She’s been telling that same lame joke for the past ten years.

This year why not break out some new jokes on the same old crowd. Maybe if there were something new to hear, Uncle Jim would finally turn up his hearing aid. Here are a few starters you can use, whether you get together on Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa.

Top 10 Funniest Holiday Humor Jokes

• Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight? A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!

• A blond goes into her local post office to buy stamps to send out holiday cards. She asks the postmaster for 50 Hanukkah stamps. The Postmaster asks, “What denomination?” The blonde replies, “Six Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”
• “The Supreme Court ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” Courtesy of Jay Leno
• Q: Why are Comet, Cupid, Donner, Dancer, Dasher, and Blitzen always wet? A: Because they are rain deer.
• Q: Why does Santa have three garden plots up at the North Pole? A: That way he can hoe, hoe, hoe in the off-season!
• Q: What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A: A pineapple.
• Q: What did the reindeer tell the bartender before telling his joke? A: This one will really sleigh you!
• Q: What did Adam say to his wife the day before Christmas? A: its Christmas, Eve!
• Q: Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? A: Because he parked in snow zone.
• It was Hanukkah and the tiny village was in fear of not having any latkes because they had run out of flour. Rudi, the rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem. He said, “Don’t worry, you can substitute matzo meal for the flour and the latkes will be just as delicious!” Sheila looks to her husband and says, “Mortey…you think it’ll work?” and Mortey says, “Of course! Everybody knows…………………….

Rudolph, the Rab, knows grain dear!”

Happy Raucous Holidays!

Some of these jokes may cause some of your relations to groan, others will hopefully laugh. They will debate upon whether these new jokes are better than the old joke…or worse. Hopefully you will have brought life back to the party so that next year maybe someone else will try some new jokes, and the old tired jokes can catch a ride with Santa to the North Pole, never to be heard from again.