Funny News Headlines

Funny News Headlines

Feb 07

I was watching the news online the other day when I came across the headline “Meet the claw machine baby.” You’d assume I was meeting a kid with claws for hands or something, but this video was about a kid who was FOUND in a claw machine! Talk about being deceived. With some news headlines, you have to ask if the editor was sleeping or on vacation, therefore I had to look for more amusingly false titles.

“A new attorney has been appointed for the man suspected of killing a lawyer.” (It’s safe to conclude that the attorney deserves credit for his courage.)

“The literacy program in Mississippi is improving.” (With Mississippi spelled incorrectly, you have to wonder what life was like before!)

“Only a small percentage of homicide victims speak to the police” (If they did, that would be downright scary)

“Federal agents search a gun business and discover guns” ( eerr da-aa)

“Statistics show that teen pregnancy declines after the age of 25.”)

The writer doesn’t seem to understand the distinction between an adolescent and a tween.)

“Flying bugs are bugs that fly around with wings.” (You can’t argue with his logic.)

“Dead body discovered in cemetery” (Is it the only one?)

“One armed guy applauds others’ charity” (Perhaps he applauded with his feet).

“A study found that having regular sex increases the chances of becoming pregnant.” (If you don’t succeed the first time, try, try again.)

“Females are more inclined to test for diseases that affect women.” (Can you image a man with ovarian cysts coming to the doctor?)

“A healthy diet reduces the chance of death in women” (but what about men?)

“Shaking causes the majority of earthquake damage” (You think!)

“Foot soreness is caused by high heels” (Dr. Scholls would agree with that)

“Swimming pools and diarrhea aren’t a good combination,” according to health officials (Safe to say, everyone agrees)

“Auctioneer discovers a dead body in a funeral facility” (What does a dead body have to do with a funeral home?)

“An examination of dating reveals that men prefer attractive women.” (Men aren’t stupid.)

“Hispanics excel in the Spanish language” (And the Germans did well in their German test)

“Africa is a land of glitz, extravagance, and violence. Hundreds of secretarial positions are available.” (I believe I will pass)

“Volunteers look for Civil War planes” (This will take a long time.)

“A kid from Puerto Rico has been dubbed the “Mistress of the Universe.” (That girl is going to have a lot on her plate.)

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