Bathroom Humor | Ira Riklis Humor Blog

Apr 05

How is your time in the bathroom spent? Do you use your private time to reflect on the meaning of life? Perhaps you take a moment for some deep personal reflection. If you are like most people, then you are likely to find some interesting reading materials lying around the privy. Some of the best reading materials to be found are often in the form of graffiti on public restroom stalls.

Bathroom Jokes & Poetry

Aside from looking to the public stalls for a chuckle, nothing beats a good old-fashioned bathroom joke.

There is a husband who is constantly farting. Not just airy farts, but the kind that could peel the wallpaper. Understandably, his wife is upset and finally one day she says,” Honey, one of these days you are going to fart your guts out.”

The following Sunday, as the wife is cooking a turkey for Sunday dinner, the husband falls asleep in his favorite chair while watching the game. Seeing a grand opportunity for retribution, the wife takes the innards of the turkey and puts them in her husband’s underwear. She then goes back to cooking.

Later that evening, the husband comes to the dinner table with a very frightened look on his face.

“What’s the matter, Honey?” she asks sweetly.

“Well,” he replied, “you were right. I did fart my guts out.”

“What did you do about it?” she asked.

“Well, by God’s grace and these two fingers, I got all of ‘em back up there.”

For Those Who Like One-Liners…

Why can’t a single woman fart?

Because they don’t have a**holes until they get married.

While a one-liner often does the trick, sometimes poetry is just as slick.

“It was a Saturday night and the moon was green,

And around the corner came a fart machine,

A fart was left, a scream was heard,

And the moon got killed by a flying turd.”

The Science of Farts

Believe it or not, there is actually a scientific reason why farts smell bad.

This is because they are made up of gases like methane and sulfur, which are produced by the bacteria in your gut as they digest food. Some foods, like beans and dairy products, can produce more gas than others, leading to particularly potent flatulence.

Conditions Of The Bum

Finally, one can always be humored by conditions of the bum and the situations that arise thereof.

“Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word ‘definitely’ in a sentence

Little Johnny replies, “Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?”

The Teacher says, “Of course not Johnny,”

To which Johnny replies, “Then I have definitely pooped my pants then…”

Toilet Trivia

There are all sorts of interesting facts and figures about toilets and bathroom habits that you might find fascinating. Here are some of the most enticing ones:

The average person visits the bathroom 6-7 times a day, or about 2,500 times a year.
The first flushing toilet was invented in 1596 by Sir John Harrington, but it wasn’t until the mid-19th century that indoor plumbing became common.
The world’s most expensive toilet is the Hang Fung Gold Toilet, located in Hong Kong. It is made of solid gold and is valued at around $5 million.
The term “restroom” originated in the early 20th century when women needed a place to rest and fix their hair and makeup.
The world’s largest public bathroom is located in Chongqing, China. It covers an area of over 30,000 square feet and can accommodate over 1,000 people at once.
The first toilet paper was produced in China in the 6th century, but it wasn’t until the late 19th century that it became commonly used in the Western world.
The average toilet seat contains more bacteria than the average doorknob or light switch.
In some countries, including India and parts of Africa and Asia, it is common to use a squat toilet, which requires the user to squat over a hole in the ground rather than sit on a traditional toilet seat.
The longest toilet break on record was taken by a man in Belgium who spent 116 hours sitting on a toilet in a stunt to raise awareness for colon cancer.
The town of Suwon, South Korea, is home to the world’s only toilet theme park, which features a range of interactive exhibits on the history and science of toilets.